This may be a musician thing. Or it might be a Derek thing. Maybe it's the stress of being a performer or of having perfectionist leanings, or maybe it's just my mind's chemical makeup. But whatever it is, I can have some pretty extreme mood swings. And sometimes it seems like it's every other day.
For instance a few days ago, I was in a pretty bad mood because I had to mail back my new laptop computer, and I had already thrown out the box. (Doh!) I also couldn't seem to find enough time during the day to practice like I wanted.
But then...
Two days ago I was feeling great. I had played some nice gigs with Low Spark, I had just met some really nice musicians at the Moe's Tavern jazz jam, and I had almost finished editing my music video. 'This whole freelance musician thing is awesome!'
But then...
Yesterday, after spending most of the day trying to get my webcam working properly, and spending about 3 hours in Chicago traffic to teach one private lesson, 'What am I doing here? Life stinks.'
But then...
Last night I had another gig with Low Spark, and I felt good about my playing. Life is good again!
But then...
This morning, I was back again failing miserably with my webcam and trying to start up some self-employment bookkeeping Excel files (yuck!). I could feel the negative pull slowly coming back.
But then...(last one, I promise!)
I took a break, picked up my sax, and headed for the practice room. A couple hours later, and I'm back to feeling great.
This last one was a biggie. Why? Well, I think it's because looking back at the recent ups and downs, most of the events that led to my major mood swings were beyond my control, or at least contained elements beyond my control. And this seems to be pretty normal. A good thing happens, I feel good. A bad thing happens, I feel bad. Yet this last thing, my decision to practice, didn't happen. I did it. It was a conscious decision on my part to break a cycle and move on. And it worked!
Now I'm not patting myself on the back just yet, because even though I know I'm capable of doing things like this more often, I usually don't. But why not? And why can't I just look beyond my short term problems and know that when things fall down, they almost always bounce back up? And usually the very next day!
I know I'll always have these ups and downs in my future, but maybe writing this post will help remind me of this: I can't control everything, but I can play the saxophone.
P.S. Happy 200th Birthday Adolphe Sax! (and yes, this inventor's last name was actually "Sax." I wish that was MY last name!)
For instance a few days ago, I was in a pretty bad mood because I had to mail back my new laptop computer, and I had already thrown out the box. (Doh!) I also couldn't seem to find enough time during the day to practice like I wanted.
But then...
Two days ago I was feeling great. I had played some nice gigs with Low Spark, I had just met some really nice musicians at the Moe's Tavern jazz jam, and I had almost finished editing my music video. 'This whole freelance musician thing is awesome!'
But then...
Yesterday, after spending most of the day trying to get my webcam working properly, and spending about 3 hours in Chicago traffic to teach one private lesson, 'What am I doing here? Life stinks.'
But then...
Last night I had another gig with Low Spark, and I felt good about my playing. Life is good again!
But then...
This morning, I was back again failing miserably with my webcam and trying to start up some self-employment bookkeeping Excel files (yuck!). I could feel the negative pull slowly coming back.
But then...(last one, I promise!)
I took a break, picked up my sax, and headed for the practice room. A couple hours later, and I'm back to feeling great.
This last one was a biggie. Why? Well, I think it's because looking back at the recent ups and downs, most of the events that led to my major mood swings were beyond my control, or at least contained elements beyond my control. And this seems to be pretty normal. A good thing happens, I feel good. A bad thing happens, I feel bad. Yet this last thing, my decision to practice, didn't happen. I did it. It was a conscious decision on my part to break a cycle and move on. And it worked!
Now I'm not patting myself on the back just yet, because even though I know I'm capable of doing things like this more often, I usually don't. But why not? And why can't I just look beyond my short term problems and know that when things fall down, they almost always bounce back up? And usually the very next day!
I know I'll always have these ups and downs in my future, but maybe writing this post will help remind me of this: I can't control everything, but I can play the saxophone.
P.S. Happy 200th Birthday Adolphe Sax! (and yes, this inventor's last name was actually "Sax." I wish that was MY last name!)